you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
