So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
