oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize