a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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