you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Randomize
