My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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