woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
