they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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