We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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