Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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