I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
