a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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