i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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