State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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