Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
