Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
