Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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