Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
