please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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