haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
