Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
