I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is Oprah even human
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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