BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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