They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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