I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
