It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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