It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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