The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
