Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
