It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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