Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
