She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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