I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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