please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
