Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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