Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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