so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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