When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
