What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
