Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize