it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
