I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
