I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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