i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
