I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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