I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
