i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
that may or may not have been my penis.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
