I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
