Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
