last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
