So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
