The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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