I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
