There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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