I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
