oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
