It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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