Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
