I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
