Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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