fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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