if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize