Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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