Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
