That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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