Will you blow on my dice?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
