So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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