I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
