6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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