So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
