You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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