If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
