As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
