I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
