I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize