Where did you get a picture of my penis
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
