How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
