its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
