So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
