It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
