I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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