did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
