didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
