booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
