This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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