She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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