He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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