God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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