when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
