I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
