she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
