I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
