I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
