i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need moral support for this bender
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
