Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
