Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I smell like Dick and happiness
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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