just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
